The Housewife

One afternoon, a man came home from work to find total chaos at his house. His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud. Empty food boxes and wrappers were strewn across the front yard.

Inside the house, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room, the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was littered with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink. Breakfast food was spilled on the counter. Dog food was spilled on the floor. A broken glass lay under the table.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more dirty clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be sick or injured.

He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her, bewildered, and asked, "What happened here today!?!?"

She smiled and said, "You know how every day when you come home from work, you ask me what I did all day?"


"Well," she said, "today I didn't do it."

Top Seven Excuses for Breaking Up:

7.   "Ow... I banged my head!   That really hurt!   Hey... who are YOU?"

6.   "We're just so different, you and I.   You're an extrovert, I'm an introvert.   I like classical, you like heavy metal.   And of course, I'M not a physically repulsive raving psychopath."

5.   "You're no longer the wealthy, gullible, and desperately lonely man I fell in love with."

4.   "My dog is having puppies and I need to take a year off in order to train them to attack your picture."

3.   "It's not you, it's me.   Specifically, me would like to sleep with your sister."

2.   "I'm holding you back from all the other lives you could be ruining."

1.   "We just don't have anything in common anymore   —   you're a morning person, and I want to see your severed head impaled on a steel railroad spike."